let'sescaperealitytogether❤.

"if only i had an enemy bigger than my apathy, i could have won."

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"home is wherever i'm with you." - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

i have a habit of wandering,
therefore i get lost a lot.

labouring love / Sunday, September 28, 2008 @ 6:53 PM

Folie à deux

is literally a madness shared between two.

~

when you fight with someone
you care deeply for...
don't you just wish
that you had done more?

i'm still sorry.
so damn sorry.

when you lie to someone
who deserved more,
don't you just wish
that you could take back what you did before?

still sorry,
still sorry,
still waiting.

the words came out,
i did not mean to say them.
the words formed by itself,
i did not mean to say them.
the words came out,
i did not mean to lie.

it was stupid of me.
it was so stupid of me.
i don't even know why i didn't tell you...

maybe it was because i was scared,
maybe it was because i couldn't think straight.
maybe it was because i was not completely honest with myself.

there are no excuses,
there is nothing left for me to say
apart from...

sorry.

saying sorry / Friday, September 26, 2008 @ 8:26 PM

i don't know what to write,

i don't know what to type.

all i can say right now is that i am

sorry

all i can say right now is that there is no need to

worry.

i don't know why we fight.

and i still don't know what to type.

i want to say i'm sorry

i want to say so many things.

but what's stopping me...

from telling all of you the truth is the fact that

i was scared.
i felt alone.
i wanted to be alone.

i couldn't think.
i couldn't even breathe.

it's not that i did not trust you or you or even you.

it was because i couldn't trust my judgement.

i couldn't think.

i couldn't even breathe.

i was scared.

if i were to say sorry,

it would be because i was a coward.

it would be because i lost your trust.

it would be because i made you worry.

it would be because i made you guys think there was something big going on.

it would be because i made you guys think that i couldn't trust you.

it would be for so many reasons.

but i would not be because i did not tell you.
i was not ready.
i still am not ready
that there was a possibilty.

a possibility that i could have ended up like my mum.

a possibility that i could have lost my dad.

but then again, right now
it feels like i've lost all of you.
and that is mainly why i am sorry.
i really am.

you guys may think i'm making a big deal out of

nothing.

you guys may think i do not mean what i say.
you guys may think whatever.
you guys may judge me...
i don't know what you guys are thinking of me right now
as you read this
[if you even ever read this]

but all you need to really see is ;

sorry
sorry
sorry
sorry
sorry
sorry
sorry
sorry

i could write that word on a piece of paper

and no matter how much i write

no matther how much my hand starts to ache,

i'll continue writing...

until you guys forgive me.

this is not a lie.
this is the truth.
no twisted stories.
nothing.

just plain truth.
just plain words.

i'm sorry.

masking masquerade / Thursday, September 25, 2008 @ 12:14 AM

For so long I've been
Putting all my effort into you
My heart is bare
I've been looking everywhere for truth
You know...
Exactly what you're doing to me
But that's okay...
'Cause I'm not playing anymore

I see what you're trying to hide
It didn't take me long to realize
You can't fool me with your disguise
I can see right through your lying eyes

You took your shot, pushed me around
You're never gonna take me down
So get out of my face...
With your masquerade
Since I've moved on
Things are going every way but wrong
It's a brighter day (across the sky)

A new life, new friends
It's got me wondering where I've been
I was in a haze
I know...
That you're still bearing down on me

That's okay...
'Cause I'm not running anymore

When it all comes down
You won't have control over me
You can shape it how you want
But you have been revealed
You took your shot, pushed me around
You're never gonna take me down

wasting waffles / Tuesday, September 23, 2008 @ 10:27 PM

just to clarify and get something straight; i love waffles to no end.

i promised myself that i would never cry

but i want to

i promised myself that i would never falter

but it's hard

i promised myself that i would get over you

fail.fail.fail.fail.fail.

i need to let it all out,
i need to cry.
i need to let the tears flow
and cascade down my fucking cheeks.
i need to do it.
but i can't.

"what would you do...
if i kissed you?"

i'm so sorry, for making things awkward.
i'm so sorry, for asking that question.

but mostly, i'm sorry

for not feeling sorry at all

for still wanting
to kiss you.

nonsensical notions / Monday, September 22, 2008 @ 6:31 PM

i seriously need to cry.

i seriously need to let it all out.

seriously

and desperately.

can't wait for the day when i do so...

liar liar / Saturday, September 20, 2008 @ 4:49 PM

'so where is he then?'

'he's here, he just got back this morning'

'how do you know?'

'i just do'

he is here.

he did get back that morning,

how i know?

because i spoke to him.

i didn't see him.

i just spoke to him.

i didn't hear his voice.

i just spoke to him.

don't you just love skype?

"i'm sorry, i really am and i love you. i know i have never said that out loud because it hurts but i do love you, i really do"

"are you bullshitting me?"

"wh-hat?"

"that's a fucking lie and we both know it. i'm tired of your lies and all the deceit."

- silence -

"and i hate you,"

it's not something you want to tell anybody.

it's not the easiest thing to do,

to tell someone

who is going through a lot

that your father told you that he hated you

right after you told him you loved him.

i didn't tell you because

one. it hurt and it still does

two. i didn't want pity or sympathy

three. i did not want to put you in a position where you have to help me when you can't even help yourself

four. it just fucking hurts.

bleeding burden / @ 4:21 PM

'so where is he then?'

'he's here, he just got back this morning'

'how do you know?'

'i just do'

and yes dear, you are a slut.

face the facts.

face the truth.

i mean isn't that what you have been trying to do?

haven't you been trying to get over everything?

haven't you been trying to be a good person?

a good friend?

a good girlfriend?

a good lover?

a good student?

a good daughter?

well, news flash.

you aren't the only one.

and you aren't trying hard enough.

face it, dear.

you are a slut.

maybe i am worse than you,

but then again i'm not the one who left her boyfriend

for someone she barely knew.

you knew i liked him.

you knew...

and yet you made a move,

and you had a boyfriend too.

what does that make you?

a bad girlfriend?

a bad friend?

have you ever stopped for once,

and thought that maybe you haven't been doing the right thing?

have you ever stopped for once,

and thought that maybe you haven't been the nicest person in the world?

have you ever stopped for once,

and took time to notice that you aren't the only one suffering?

have you ever stopped for once,

and took time to notice that you aren't exactly right?

have you ever took the fucking time to notice,

that you aren't the only one crying in pain?

have you ever noticed,

how much i've been trying to be a good friend to you but you would always do something to make me think twice?

you were crying...

no one cared.

except me.

i got a lot of comments,

telling me that i was stupid for comforting you

but all i did was brush them off.

and then one of them told me,

"actually, take a moment to think

if she'd do the same for you.

if you were all alone,

and everyone hated you,

would she have done the same thing

you did for her this afternoon?"

i was 100% sure you'd have done the same thing for me,

but then i took a moment to think about it...

and right now i'm not exactly sure.

and i never liked him,

never.

i did that for you

but you were too blind to notice

that you actually had friends

wanting to help you.

wanting to prevent you

from making a stupid decision.

but the thing is,

we couldn't make the decision for you.

you did that by yourself,

you chose a guy over

our friendship.

you chose another guy

over your boyfriend.

you chose a guy

over everything.

you chose some stupid fling,

you chose your stupid pride,

over us.

over your friends.

over the people

who actually gave a fucking damn about you.

the thing is, i am happy if you are happy.

if you think chris is the guy,

then so be it.

the thing is, you did not stop to think

about me.

because you knew i liked him,

[even though i didn't]

and you are lucky i never liked him,

very lucky.

because if i did,

i would have never been able to forgive you.

the whole chris thing

was a plan to prevent you from doing something stupid.

but it didn't work.

you haven't been a good friend.

and i don't want to tell anyone about

what has happened to me

because it hurts.

but if you want to know so much,

look out for the next post.

and for once open your freaking eyes

and notice that sometimes,

you just can't tell anyone

what is going on

because it hurts too much.

i'm glad you care about me,

because i do care about you.

i'm glad you cared to ask,

because it felt nice.

i'm glad you care

but i have my reasons for not telling.

i love you, dear.

i really do

intimate intentions / Monday, September 15, 2008 @ 1:25 AM

i am giving up.
it is over,

for both of us.

i am giving up.
it is over,
for me.

i am giving up.
don't lead me on,
or i'll hate you.

i am giving up.
because it's too hard.

i am giving up.
because i am starting to like you too much.

i am giving up.
because it's too hard.

i am giving up.
because i hate the way you make me feel.

i am giving up.
because there is no hope.

i am giving up.
because it is the right thing to do.

i am giving up.
because it's the smart thing to do.

i am giving up.
because this is so stupid.

but no matter how hard i try,
i can't stop liking you.

pretty pitiful / @ 1:20 AM

Pretty girl is suffering,
while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
what his intentions were about

And that's what you get for falling again
you can never get him outta your head
And that's what you get for falling again
you can never get him outta your head

Its the way that he makes you feel
its the way that he kisses you
its the way that he makes you fall in love

She's beautiful as usual
with bruises on her ego and
her killer instinct tells her to
be aware of evil men

And that's what you get for falling again
you can never get him outta your head
And that's what you get for falling again
you can never get him outta your head

Its the way that he makes you feel
its the way that he kisses you
its the way that he makes you fall in love

Pretty girl
Pretty girl
Pretty girl is suffering
while he confesses everything
pretty soon she'll figure out
you can never get him outta your head

its the way that he makes you cry
its the way that he's in your mind
its the way that he makes you fall in love

Its the way that he makes you feel
its the way that he kisses you
its the way that he makes you fall in love, love

sorry s. / Saturday, September 13, 2008 @ 1:06 AM

s. i dedicate this post to you and i don't have much to say...

you only realize what you need and love until it's gone

by then it may be too late.

i know you like him, i know you do.

so please stop lying,

because it doesn't matter if you do.

so what if you like him and i do?

it's okay.

you didn't have to lie.

why did you lie to me?

right to my face, you told me you don't like him.

maybe now you don't because of what happened.

i care about you, i really do.

but the fact that you lied to me hurts.

and i'm not pissed.

or annoyed.

or even disappointed.

right now, i just don't care.

yellowing yacks / Thursday, September 11, 2008 @ 8:41 PM

when you wake up every morning,

what's the first thing you think of?

in my case,
it's who.

and baby, it's definitely you.

already admitting / Wednesday, September 10, 2008 @ 7:42 PM

i like you.
plain and simple.
i'm like seriously admitting it now.
full on.

i like you.
i really do.

and i can't say it out loud because
sometimes, it's easier writing than saying it.

i like you,
i really really do.

but gosh, people talk.
i know that.
but i really do like you...

and people think they know what's really going on,
but oh boy...
wait till they find out the truth.

p.s. i'm sorry s.

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"if only i had an enemy bigger than my apathy, i could have won."
Profile "home is wherever i'm with you." - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros i have a habit of wandering, therefore i get lost a lot.
labouring love / Sunday, September 28, 2008 @ 6:53 PM Folie à deux is literally a madness shared between two. ~ when you fight with someone you care deeply for... don't you just wish that you had done more? i'm still sorry. so damn sorry. when you lie to someone who deserved more, don't you just wish that you could take back what you did before? still sorry, still sorry, still waiting. the words came out, i did not mean to say them. the words formed by itself, i did not mean to say them. the words came out, i did not mean to lie. it was stupid of me. it was so stupid of me. i don't even know why i didn't tell you... maybe it was because i was scared, maybe it was because i couldn't think straight. maybe it was because i was not completely honest with myself. there are no excuses, there is nothing left for me to say apart from... *sorry.* saying sorry / Friday, September 26, 2008 @ 8:26 PM *i don't know what to write,* *i don't know what to type.* all i can say right now is that i am sorry all i can say right now is that there is no need to worry. i don't know why we fight. and i still don't know what to type. i want to say i'm sorry i want to say so many things. but what's stopping me... from telling all of you the truth is the fact that i was scared. i felt alone. i wanted to be alone. i couldn't think. i couldn't even breathe. it's not that i did not trust you or you or even you. it was because i couldn't trust my judgement. i couldn't think. i couldn't even breathe. i was scared. if i were to say sorry, it would be because i was a coward. it would be because i lost your trust. it would be because i made you worry. it would be because i made you guys think there was something big going on. it would be because i made you guys think that i couldn't trust you. it would be for so many reasons. but i would not be because i did not tell you. i was not ready. i still am not ready that there was a possibilty. a possibility that i could have ended up like my mum. a possibility that i could have lost my dad. but then again, right now it feels like i've lost all of you. and that is mainly why i am sorry. i really am. you guys may think i'm making a big deal out of nothing. you guys may think i do not mean what i say. you guys may think whatever. you guys may judge me... i don't know what you guys are thinking of me right now as you read this [if you even ever read this] but all you need to really see is ; sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry i could write that word on a piece of paper and no matter how much i write no matther how much my hand starts to ache, i'll continue writing... until you guys forgive me. this is not a lie. this is the truth. no twisted stories. nothing. just plain truth. just plain words. i'm sorry. masking masquerade / Thursday, September 25, 2008 @ 12:14 AM For so long I've been Putting all my effort into you My heart is bare I've been looking everywhere for truth You know... Exactly what you're doing to me But that's okay... 'Cause I'm not playing anymore I see what you're trying to hide It didn't take me long to realize You can't fool me with your disguise I can see right through your lying eyes You took your shot, pushed me around You're never gonna take me down So get out of my face... With your masquerade Since I've moved on Things are going every way but wrong It's a brighter day (across the sky) A new life, new friends It's got me wondering where I've been I was in a haze I know... That you're still bearing down on me That's okay... 'Cause I'm not running anymore When it all comes down You won't have control over me You can shape it how you want But you have been revealed You took your shot, pushed me around You're never gonna take me down wasting waffles / Tuesday, September 23, 2008 @ 10:27 PM just to clarify and get something straight; i love waffles to no end. i promised myself that i would never cry but i want to i promised myself that i would never falter but it's hard i promised myself that i would get over you fail.fail.fail.fail.fail. i need to let it all out, i need to cry. i need to let the tears flow and cascade down my fucking cheeks. i need to do it. but i can't. "what would you do... if i kissed you?" i'm so sorry, for making things awkward. i'm so sorry, for asking that question. but mostly, i'm sorry for not feeling sorry at all for still wanting to kiss you. nonsensical notions / Monday, September 22, 2008 @ 6:31 PM i seriously need to cry. i seriously need to let it all out. seriously seriously and desperately. can't wait for the day when i do so... liar liar / Saturday, September 20, 2008 @ 4:49 PM 'so where is he then?' 'he's here, he just got back this morning' 'how do you know?' 'i just do' he is here. he did get back that morning, how i know? because i spoke to him. i didn't see him. i just spoke to him. i didn't hear his voice. i just spoke to him. don't you just love skype? "i'm sorry, i really am and i love you. i know i have never said that out loud because it hurts but i do love you, i really do" "are you bullshitting me?" "wh-hat?" "that's a fucking lie and we both know it. i'm tired of your lies and all the deceit." - silence - "and i hate you," it's not something you want to tell anybody. it's not the easiest thing to do, to tell someone who is going through a lot that your father told you that he hated you right after you told him you loved him. i didn't tell you because one. it hurt and it still does two. i didn't want pity or sympathy three. i did not want to put you in a position where you have to help me when you can't even help yourself four. it just fucking hurts. bleeding burden / @ 4:21 PM 'so where is he then?' 'he's here, he just got back this morning' 'how do you know?' 'i just do' and yes dear, you are a slut. face the facts. face the truth. i mean isn't that what you have been trying to do? haven't you been trying to get over everything? haven't you been trying to be a good person? a good friend? a good girlfriend? a good lover? a good student? a good daughter? well, news flash. you aren't the only one. and you aren't trying hard enough. face it, dear. you are a slut. maybe i am worse than you, but then again i'm not the one who left her boyfriend for someone she barely knew. you knew i liked him. you knew... and yet you made a move, and you had a boyfriend too. what does that make you? a bad girlfriend? a bad friend? have you ever stopped for once, and thought that maybe you haven't been doing the right thing? have you ever stopped for once, and thought that maybe you haven't been the nicest person in the world? have you ever stopped for once, and took time to notice that you aren't the only one suffering? have you ever stopped for once, and took time to notice that you aren't exactly right? have you ever took the fucking time to notice, that you aren't the only one crying in pain? have you ever noticed, how much i've been trying to be a good friend to you but you would always do something to make me think twice? you were crying... no one cared. except me. i got a lot of comments, telling me that i was stupid for comforting you but all i did was brush them off. and then one of them told me, "actually, take a moment to think if she'd do the same for you. if you were all alone, and everyone hated you, would she have done the same thing you did for her this afternoon?" i was 100% sure you'd have done the same thing for me, but then i took a moment to think about it... and right now i'm not exactly sure. and i never liked him, never. i did that for you but you were too blind to notice that you actually had friends wanting to help you. wanting to prevent you from making a stupid decision. but the thing is, we couldn't make the decision for you. you did that by yourself, you chose a guy over our friendship. you chose another guy over your boyfriend. you chose a guy over everything. you chose some stupid fling, you chose your stupid pride, over us. over your friends. over the people who actually gave a fucking damn about you. the thing is, i am happy if you are happy. if you think chris is the guy, then so be it. the thing is, you did not stop to think about me. because you knew i liked him, [even though i didn't] and you are lucky i never liked him, very lucky. because if i did, i would have never been able to forgive you. the whole chris thing was a plan to prevent you from doing something stupid. but it didn't work. you haven't been a good friend. and i don't want to tell anyone about what has happened to me because it hurts. but if you want to know so much, look out for the next post. and for once open your freaking eyes and notice that sometimes, you just can't tell anyone what is going on because it hurts too much. i'm glad you care about me, because i do care about you. i'm glad you cared to ask, because it felt nice. i'm glad you care but i have my reasons for not telling. i love you, dear. i really do intimate intentions / Monday, September 15, 2008 @ 1:25 AM i am giving up. it is over, for both of us. i am giving up. it is over, for me. i am giving up. don't lead me on, or i'll hate you. i am giving up. because it's too hard. i am giving up. because i am starting to like you too much. i am giving up. because it's too hard. i am giving up. because i hate the way you make me feel. i am giving up. because there is no hope. i am giving up. because it is the right thing to do. i am giving up. because it's the smart thing to do. i am giving up. because this is so stupid. but no matter how hard i try, i can't stop liking you. pretty pitiful / @ 1:20 AM Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about And that's what you get for falling again you can never get him outta your head And that's what you get for falling again you can never get him outta your head Its the way that he makes you feel its the way that he kisses you its the way that he makes you fall in love She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men And that's what you get for falling again you can never get him outta your head And that's what you get for falling again you can never get him outta your head Its the way that he makes you feel its the way that he kisses you its the way that he makes you fall in love Pretty girl Pretty girl Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything pretty soon she'll figure out you can never get him outta your head its the way that he makes you cry its the way that he's in your mind its the way that he makes you fall in love Its the way that he makes you feel its the way that he kisses you its the way that he makes you fall in love, love sorry s. / Saturday, September 13, 2008 @ 1:06 AM s. i dedicate this post to you and i don't have much to say... *you only realize what you need and love until it's gone* *by then it may be too late.* i know you like him, i know you do. so please stop lying, because it doesn't matter if you do. so what if you like him and i do? it's okay. *you didn't have to lie.* why did you lie to me? right to my face, you told me you don't like him. *maybe* now you don't because of what happened. i care about you, i really do. but the fact that you lied to me hurts. and i'm not pissed. or annoyed. or even disappointed. right now, i just don't care. yellowing yacks / Thursday, September 11, 2008 @ 8:41 PM when you wake up every morning, what's the first thing you think of? in my case, it's who. and baby, it's definitely you. already admitting / Wednesday, September 10, 2008 @ 7:42 PM i like you. plain and simple. i'm like seriously admitting it now. full on. i like you. i really do. and i can't say it out loud because sometimes, it's easier writing than saying it. i like you, i really really do. but gosh, people talk. i know that. but i really do like you... and people think they know what's really going on, but oh boy... wait till they find out the truth. p.s. i'm sorry s.
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