| "if only i had an enemy bigger than my apathy, i could have won." | ||||
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"home is wherever i'm with you." - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
i have a habit of wandering, therefore i get lost a lot. | ||||
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bleeding burden / Saturday, September 20, 2008 @ 4:21 PM
'so where is he then?' 'he's here, he just got back this morning' 'how do you know?' 'i just do' and yes dear, you are a slut. face the facts. face the truth. i mean isn't that what you have been trying to do? haven't you been trying to get over everything? haven't you been trying to be a good person? a good friend? a good girlfriend? a good lover? a good student? a good daughter? well, news flash. you aren't the only one. and you aren't trying hard enough. face it, dear. you are a slut. maybe i am worse than you, but then again i'm not the one who left her boyfriend for someone she barely knew. you knew i liked him. you knew... and yet you made a move, and you had a boyfriend too. what does that make you? a bad girlfriend? a bad friend? have you ever stopped for once, and thought that maybe you haven't been doing the right thing? have you ever stopped for once, and thought that maybe you haven't been the nicest person in the world? have you ever stopped for once, and took time to notice that you aren't the only one suffering? have you ever stopped for once, and took time to notice that you aren't exactly right? have you ever took the fucking time to notice, that you aren't the only one crying in pain? have you ever noticed, how much i've been trying to be a good friend to you but you would always do something to make me think twice? you were crying... no one cared. except me. i got a lot of comments, telling me that i was stupid for comforting you but all i did was brush them off. and then one of them told me, "actually, take a moment to think if she'd do the same for you. if you were all alone, and everyone hated you, would she have done the same thing you did for her this afternoon?" i was 100% sure you'd have done the same thing for me, but then i took a moment to think about it... and right now i'm not exactly sure. and i never liked him, never. i did that for you but you were too blind to notice that you actually had friends wanting to help you. wanting to prevent you from making a stupid decision. but the thing is, we couldn't make the decision for you. you did that by yourself, you chose a guy over our friendship. you chose another guy over your boyfriend. you chose a guy over everything. you chose some stupid fling, you chose your stupid pride, over us. over your friends. over the people who actually gave a fucking damn about you. the thing is, i am happy if you are happy. if you think chris is the guy, then so be it. the thing is, you did not stop to think about me. because you knew i liked him, [even though i didn't] and you are lucky i never liked him, very lucky. because if i did, i would have never been able to forgive you. the whole chris thing was a plan to prevent you from doing something stupid. but it didn't work. you haven't been a good friend. and i don't want to tell anyone about what has happened to me because it hurts. but if you want to know so much, look out for the next post. and for once open your freaking eyes and notice that sometimes, you just can't tell anyone what is going on because it hurts too much. i'm glad you care about me, because i do care about you. i'm glad you cared to ask, because it felt nice. i'm glad you care but i have my reasons for not telling. i love you, dear. i really do
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