“

I shouldn’t have to apologize for this, but I’m sorry I still think about you. Maybe this is the way it has to be, maybe this is as much as I can ever get over you and everything you’ve made me thought I felt.

Remember the very last time we talked? In the midst of laughter you said that we never seem to get past this silliness, this senselessness. But that’s not true, dear friend, because there are so much we had been serious about: my dreams, your dreams, my future, your future, my life, your life. Did you forget?

Or am I allowed to be unafraid this time and contemplate the possibility of you referring to something else instead? Something intent, something important, something we never did question each other. Something like love.

I wish we hadn’t made the change; I wish it was like the old times, just you and me, instead of you and me and the meaningless need to decipher those distractions. You would never, for a moment, believe that it could be you anyway, would you?

I can’t understand why it’s so damn hard to let you out of my life, dear friend, because you were never very real. Some part of you must have been a figment of my imagination; how can two people stay so ambiguous and yet so out of love?

I despise myself for letting you do this to me, for allowing this nothingness the tenacity to crawl under my skin and steal my heart away. I could be so happy without you, so much happier without you; if I didn’t always wonder whether I would be the happiest with you.

”

this is an inspiring entry, that i feel i can relate to.

i came across this and i don't know if i was meant to find it

or if it was just an accident.

but whatever it is, i'm glad i found it.

this post belongs to xin and this person

posted this on the ninth of March over three years ago.