| "if only i had an enemy bigger than my apathy, i could have won." | ||||
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"home is wherever i'm with you." - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
i have a habit of wandering, therefore i get lost a lot. | ||||
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foolish feud. / Wednesday, February 25, 2009 @ 9:47 PM
as the saying once went "i come in peace." how unbelievable. it's amazing how people interpret things and tend to assume the worst [no sarcasm intended] people exaggerate, it's what we're like. but i never meant to "bitch" not my intention at all. this is exactly what i mean by "awkward". there's no such thing as us being able to be perfectly 'normal' with each other, when the other person seems to be suspicious of the other. that's all i meant. i wouldn't bitch about you, not now. because i've moved on and i'm fine. maybe even care. i mean no harm in writing this. none at all; so tell that person who told you what she "heard" that she should be careful next time. and that isn't a threat; take it as a friendly advice, because she thought wrong. i know we aren't close. i know we aren't friends. but i wouldn't bitch about you for no reason. from this post; you may think i'm lying, or just being plain pathetic. but this is just me being honest and hoping that this foolish "feud" will come to an end. lies can destroy relationships; even the ones that were once strong.
till today / Tuesday, February 24, 2009 @ 8:40 PM
the man of my 'dreams' "you remind me of someone," he told me; i look down at my feet whilst a smile played on my lips, "oh and who could that be?" i ask him as my eyes playfully twinkle as i watch him chuckle for a moment, before he leans in closer to me and whispers, "someone very close to me," and with that he had pulled me in. i was being invited into the window of his heart, and i could not find the courage to deny such invitation. intrigued, i glanced at him. his lips, which i longed to touch were pink and luscious. his eyes, were staring longingly at me. his hair, danced along with the breezy air. everything was, simply and utterly perfect. "who was she?" i managed to choke out. no hint of despair crossed his face. not a tinge of remorse or even reminiscence was exposed. he remained calm and serene, looking beautiful as ever with a smile plastered on his pale porcelain skin. "she doesn't matter now," and he proved his point by sinking those lips against mine. his hands wrapped around me, my hair blowing around our intertwined figure. everything was exotically exciting. and before anything more could happen a knock on my door interrupts the scene. i finally wake up. in all my life, taking a nap in the afternoon has never hurt me; till today. i never dreamt whilst taking a nap;till today. and my dream was so vague. so surreal. it felt nice. but at the same time, it has left me bemused. with only one question on my mind, i wonder; who is he?
longing looks / Monday, February 23, 2009 @ 5:30 PM
[ if it sounds like i'm talking to about you, maybe i am ] even if he leaves, even if he hates, even if he avoids, even if it hurts... he'll always remain in your heart. even if you believe, even if you try, even if you cry, even if it ended... he'll always be a part of you. even if he treated you badly, even if he barely glanced at you, even if he had no idea what you went through, even if he was stupid... it's still hard to forget; how he made you feel, how he makes your heart jump, how he added colours into your the black and white vision, how he was sweet and gentle... it never stops. you may get over him. the tears may have stopped. you may be friends with him. the avoiding may have ceased. but nothing really has changed. except for;
molecular model / Sunday, February 22, 2009 @ 8:49 PM
you. money is for nothing,
pervading plastic / @ 4:05 PM
as chicks are for free. i want to catch your attention, but to do so i have to strike a pose imitating Marilyn Monroe to depict an image of a rose. you enter my dreams as Fred to my image of Holly. we'll have breakfast at tiffany's and i'll demurely kiss your cheek as i leave you hanging on for more. believe me when i say that i pray to be a goddess-like beauty such as Serena and catch the eyes of many. a model walking on the streets, with wavy length hair and penetrating eyes. i'll be your alba with a hint of princess hathaway, if you'll be my hunky heath. i need to believe that we will stay together, no matter who we are. i'm no cinderella with a glass slipper to bring us together. i'm no snow white, with a wicked witch watching my every step. i'm no jasmine, with a flying carpet to take us all around the world. you're not edward cullen and you don't have to be. i just want you to see, that i like you the way you are. first rule to happiness: don't kiss it hello, or it'll kiss you goodbye. Why'd you have to go And leave me at home How could you assume That I would be fine on my own Everyone's around Watching me drown in the deep end of self-misery Now you can tell why I needed you bad Baby you are the star of the show I'm just the opening act no one came here to see Now it's all up to me and I can't do it alone How can I go on Knowing you're oceans away How can I be strong When you are the source of my strength Tell me I'm not wrong To say that I miss you again and again and again Now you can tell why I needed you bad Baby you are the star of the show I'm just the opening act no one came here to see Now it's all up to me and I can't do it alone Remind me to breathe
run / Saturday, February 21, 2009 @ 10:40 PM
Cause I can't help from choking I'm lost and I'm scared and I'm just short of broken You said it's okay But that's where you're mistaken I may be alive, I'm not well I can't do it alone inspired by mark beasley, whom i have fallen in love with <3 "I'm sorry," she told me, again and again "But I can't... I've got to get going, your movement is slow And our time here has come to an end I know we'd be perfect The risk would be worth it If you could have only spoke up But now it's a blown chance at a beautiful romance That just started when it broke up" 'Cause there's something wrong with my heart It's been impaired from the start I wish I could blame it on somebody else But I know, I know That I run, run, run from whatever's behind Try to never surrender But every time I find a good thing, I give it away And I don't have a reason why So I'm leaving here lonely With no one to show me The way that I'm supposed to hang on And the problem with growing Is learning that only the pain can get rid of what's wrong So I'll keep fighting allies And spending my goodbyes On everyone trying to love I'll throw away friendships With people that meant it And those who seemed sent from above [a song i can relate to]
what's wrong / @ 10:01 PM
i dedicate this post to all those out there;who need to hear it. those who need something;to hang on to. those who need someone;to depend on. those who need these words;to ignite the flame back in their hearts. this is for those out there who are waiting for without a flaw Mr Right, the constantly swooned over Prince Charming, the gallant "knight in shining armour", depiction of male beauty Brad Pitt; and the perfect man of our dreams. it's okay to dream once and again of the certain guy that you want. the yearning for someone to love and care about, -someone to requite those ardent feelings, -someone to touch your helpless heart, -someone to bring you back to life, -someone to simply love you. you want to be with him, he wants to be with either another girl or no one. you either give up and move on, or make a move and be hopeful. the former is the smarter move but the latter is easier. i'm not an expert or even a love guru, but i'm a victim, not of cupids arrow as i have never been in love nor do i believe in love, but i have experienced the yearn for a man to come along and look at me with admiration. as a victim of such, i have been hurt and left broken. i've had friends who have been and still are, in similar situations. some of them are more courageous than i ever was, some are not as flamboyant in displaying their feelings. whoever you are, whichever you are, wherever you are, whatever you may be... don't worry. you may feel alone but just remind yourself that you are not the only one who has been left alone to mend a cracked heart that has stopped beating. i miss waking up in the mornings and thinking "i'll see him today," and it'll get me singing in the shower or daydreaming about the inevitable. who cares if it's admiration from afar? at least i haven't been rejected. but the walks on cloud nine and bounces up the stairs stopped once i told him and the words were not returned. there was no exchange of smiles; only a pathetic exchange of sorrow and pity. a disappointed face walks away as a worried one stares after the slouching figure. and when that happened, when i woke up on my bed i would be thinking of how foolish i was. i would slap myself in the forehead and close my eyes, hoping that i would disappear. first comes the affection, then the rejection, the denial then the hate and if you're lucky the comprehension. so far, i'm still on hate and in my opinion i am no closer in comprehending what had happened or what i've done wrong. those may be the steps but it varies on each person's situation. you may think i'm talking about you; but who knows maybe i actually am. i might not know what i'm writing but do you know what you're reading? the point is:
there is nothing wrong with what you feel [mostly] only in the way the other person does. | ||||
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